Gratitude - Day 50

I'm grateful for hard workers. We snuck into part of the final orchestra rehearsal for Aida which opens here on the 9th, and I shot this candid photo while the 2 cellists worked together a bit after the proper rehearsal was finished. I loved the site of the empty pit, no overtime being paid, no one waving a baton, and musicians just working to make it better - simply for the sake of making it better. I know this goes on in many orchestras (not all - but many!) but I still love to witness it - it brings me a feeling of solidarity with the folks in the pit. Graçias, Amigos! (And for the record, it's like Christmas all over again to hear Dolora Z in this role!!!)

Gratitude - Day 49

Tonight my little brother treated us to a really delicious meal at a true Barcelona 'establishment': Los Caracoles, est. 1835. To be a good sport, I did taste the signature dish (snails), but opted for the gazpacho as a starter instead, and then the 3 of us did very well by an enormous serving of Seafood Paella. It was really delicious, and the perfect ending to my brother's trip here - considering he complicated his final few days by breaking his ankle! (Note to self - start taking out traveler's insurance in the New Year!) We've had a wonderful time, and I've been spoiled getting to spend so much time with a member of my family!

But my gratitude tonight is usurped by this photo - mainly because I'm grateful I took it AFTER we enjoyed our meal!

Cheers!

Gratitude - Day 48

Again, I'm grateful for comfortable shoes! Poor Cenerentola might have to go around in rags, but I guarantee you she doesn't have aching feet! It's actually also a bonus since this is quite a physical show for me, and it makes my chances for wiping out a bit smaller! It's true that I'm quite accident prone, and after many a spill on the stage (oddly enough, usually in the role of Rosina - she's given me 5 different ankle injuries!), I'm always keen to avoid those accidental falls witnessed by thousands of on-lookers!

I was all the more relieved to finish last night's show on my feet - it was a live broadcast on Spanish National Television (and also taped for future DVD release!) I love these kinds of live broadcasts, especially when they're a video feed as well, because the level of adrenalin surges (who needs those "Happy Pills" when we've got it in abundance naturally!), and the demand for concentration inches up, which I think gives a better overall performance for the people in the audience: everyone seems to win. I do love knowing there is a camera zooming in to capture our every expression, because the second I drop concentration, or committment, or honesty, it reads like a flashing neon light in the desert. It just makes me a better performer. Of course, it's also a tough mental game, because it's tempting to start singing with the single aim of 'perfection' instead of 'expression', and that's a thing I continue to learn . (I suppose it's a true predicament for all performances, but knowing that it is captured for eternity can add a certain degree of pressure.) Luckily, I'm getting more opportunities to participate in these kinds of broadcasts, so it's a skill I think I'm acquiring more with each event, but it absolutely requires a strong hold over your self-monitoring side, for if that little critical voice takes over, you're doomed!

Overall I thought it was a good performance (naturally with a gazillion things I'd like to do better), but it felt spontaneous and expressive, with each cast member 'on', and the audience again seemed to really enjoy themselves.

I'll take it!

Gratitude - Day 47

So in reaction to this little story, and in solidarity with all the opera singers who are looking for our quick fixes, I can highly recommend this store in Barcelona, which in fact, I'm grateful for.

(In fact, it's only a candy store, but our neighborhood street corner here in Barcelona, being the colorful city it is, happens to be FULL of folks able to satisfy every chemical desire: cortisone I'm actually not so sure about, but anything else you should care for can easily be arranged!)

While my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek, I do find it interesting that our profession is suddenly undergoing such scrutiny: DRUGS! SURGERY! FAT! THIN! AFFAIRS! DRUGS! CANCELLATIONS! CHE SCANDALO!

On the one hand, it means that we are fodder for headlines, putting us squarely into the public limelight which could be a beautiful and wonderful thing - fill those seats, right? Definitely! Publicity is nothing new to this gig. On the other hand, it could also reduce us, once again, to mere caricatures, only this time without expanded waste lines and horns on our head, but instead with plastic smiles and empty words. I find it ironic that all of a sudden it seems that there is this immense pressure on singers to "look good" - when in fact, that pressure has always been there. (Toscanini in his letters spoke often of the size of his prima donnas - chastising them with his usual flair; any perusing of photos of the great divas of the 20's and 30's show TRUE glamor in action: Rise Stevens, anyone?) Of course, there were heavy singers - but I propose that the myth of "The Fat Lady" has, in fact, only been a myth, perpetuated by writers that are looking for a headline with cachè. Yes, there have always been big singers, just like there have always been large accountants and comedians and mechanics and movie stars. But some of these folks just happen to be blessed with an amazing, heart wrenching talent to move me to tears, helping open my eyes to worlds far beyond me, while other perfectly proportioned singers can really piss me off for the insincerity they toss around so liberally. Balance - it's just all about balance.

It's such a peculiar, exciting time to be a part of this profession, and honestly, I'm again grateful to be in the thick of things. Personally, I believe that as long as singers take a vested responsibility for the talent they have been given and give of it sincerely and honestly to the people who have paid their hard earned money to receive it, all should be right with our bizarre world of warbling. Let the headlines come; let the people wax rhapsodic about that mythical fat lady; let people on an airline seat tell me how much they love "that (I can hardly write it) opera singer girl from Wales": I'll keep professing that our best weapon for retaliation is sincere, moving, heartfelt performances. Get them in the seats, and then trust this art form that we love so much.

Oh right - the pills. We're also human. We have all the same faults and idiosyncrasies that civilians do - it's just that our lives can take on exaggerated qualities, to put it delicately. But that's another post ... time for my Happy Pill ;-)

Gratitude - Day 46

I'm grateful for blue eyes - which makes me think that I'm also grateful for Frank Sinatra, naturally!

This photo was snapped in the Cloisters of the Barcelona Cathedral - I'm guessing the goose was there for the Nativity Scene?

Gratitude - Day 45

I'm grateful for a tall glass of beer at the end of a performance. In this case, it was courtesy of a neighborhood establishment, "Tasty", the beer was "Estrella", and the after-show snack was a salad of fresh tomato and mozzarella di bufala. Divine!

Closure

It seems next to impossible that the year 2007 came to a close yesterday. I know I'm not alone in pondering where the year vanished to, how quickly it dispersed seemingly without leaving a trace, or how unlikely it seems that we should be inching closer to this new century's second decade! I should no longer remain shocked when it's time to add a single digit to the end of the year, but I always feel caught off guard, astonished at how quickly the time passed.

To make an all-too convenient analogy, I feel a bit like Octavian wanting desperately to cling to what he knows, unable to grasp the need to change, mixed with the Marschallin endeavoring to stop those insistent hands of time from purging forward. Oh, I don't mean to sound too melodramatic or distraught here - not at all, it's simply that I would prefer to receive the equivalent of a 'get out of jail free' card, only along the lines of 'get one free week to process your life' pass, then I would happily, eagerly, even enthusiastically, jump into '08 with gusto and not a look back.

Why does this year feel a bit heavier than usual to process and catalogue? I suppose it's simply because of the sheer magnitude of change which presented itself to me, combined with the enormous volume of work. Even as I type this, it is dawning on me that 2007 was a truly pivotal year - how it plays out over the course of my life remains to be seen, but there is no doubt that it will be personally, and even perhaps professionally, monumental.

From a purely business standpoint, how could I argue with the past 365 days? I started what will hopefully be a long and rewarding journey with some of the premiere operatic roles: Octavian, Ariodante, and Alcina. Each one proved to be an immense lesson about my craft simply from tackling such demanding masterpieces, about artistic integrity from the exemplary work of my colleagues, and about the kind of work I want to do as an artist - but more on that later. I feel so enriched from these professional experiences, and while they left me quite drained, the amount of energy and insight I gained from plunging full force into them was worth every moment. I also had the joy of returning to two roles that have served me quite well: Rosina and Cenerentola. Returning to these effervescent characters shows me the value of role repetition, serving as a guidepost for how much work goes into getting a role ready to debut.

In some ways it feels as if this was the year of my 'arrival' in New York, if it's necessary to flag that sort of event. Taking part in Peter Gelb's innovative and colossal project of bringing live opera into cinemas across the world, and therefore, astoundingly into the popular culture - a venture that no one in their right mind would have conceived of as feasible a year ago - proved to be an undeniable high point of my career to date. I only give it such importance because I continue to hear from people who tell me what a memorable experience it was, and how it has single-handedly changed their perception of opera. I think those of us that love this craft so much have always believed in the power of opera to captivate and on occasion, truly move people in significant ways, and I'm certain that this new venture of the MET's will go miles and miles to make that possible.

Capping off my time in New York was an encounter that I never could have predicted would have taken on such importance, for I was most fortunate to meet Beverly Sills before the world lost her - one of the pillars and true champions of the American cultural scene. I wish I had more time and opportunity to soak up each of her countless pearls of wisdom, but I will happily take the little time I did have with her, turning to her example of enthusiastic dedication as a role model in using your gifts to, dare I say it, better the world.


One of the more exciting events of the year for me was walking into "Wolf Camera" on Van Ness Street in San Francisco, and meeting Joe, the friendly, knowledgeable, neighborhood camera guru. He introduced me to the magic of a single-lens-reflex camera, and now my husband is calling himself a "Canon Widower". I had no idea the photo bug would capture me so completely, but it has, and I'm loving every minute! I find that I see the world around me differently, that the weight of being away from home is eased a bit as I gain a deeper appreciation for the places I travel to, and that I can chronicle the beautiful encounters with colleagues and friends around the world. (Who knows where it will take me, but if anyone has an 'in' with National Geographic, I'm all ears!)


Speaking of National Geographic, there is no denying that the highlight of my year was our adventure to South Africa. In scoping out the itinerary, I really had no clue what a life changing experience it would be for me, in the sense of seeing the 'real world' in action, of getting a severe 'reality check', and simply being reminded one more welcome time that balance is essential to all that we do. Nature has a way of driving home that point loud and clear, and in the end nature always wins. Any time we upset the natural balance of things, whether on the stage, in our homes, in our hearts or heads, nature is there to provide the needed check and balance. That has been my food for thought ever since stepping foot in that beautiful country, and I truly cannot wait to return.


The final piece of the puzzle of 2007 for me, was the loss of my Mom, compounded by being so close in time to my Dad's passing. Looking back, it seems as if they went out side by side, hand in hand with no time lapse at all - but then I remember the painful, difficult 6 months my Mom spent missing my Dad after he was gone. The last time she saw me perform was at the Cinemark movie theater in Lenexa - and truth be told, that's the reason that event will be a highlight in my life - not because of the professional gains. That was my Mom's chance to shine and revel in the experience of seeing one of her children shine in something they love to do. Countless friends told me at her funeral, just a month after the broadcast, that their last image of my Mom was seeing her cheering with her arms waving over her head, saying, "That's my daughter." I wish I could have been there to see that, but I can only hope that she knew that her influence on my life was one of the singular reasons I was standing on that stage that day, and the applause belonged to her.

While I know it's not the nature of things, I do wish that time could stand still every now and again. What I wouldn't give to see my Dad and Mom standing at their front door waving hello with open arms after a long stay on the road, eager to hear about all the adventure. Even though I love being a world traveller, independent from a very early age, how much I wish that I could ring their doorbell and know that I was home. What I wouldn't give to hear my Dad's voice one more time providing comfort as only he could give, providing guidance and assurance along with the perfect dose of humor.

But time marches on and nature stubbornly stakes its claim on the natural rhythm of things. We seven children all had to say goodbye to our childhood home and carry on without having a clue as to what would come next, or how in the world we could stand with the ground shaken so terribly underneath our tentative feet. I don't profess to know how singing opera ultimately figures into the scheme of things; I still get very upset when a colleague's last thought in the world is generosity or sincerity; I don't begin to pretend that I understand what makes one singer a star, and another disposable; but I'm not sure these are answers I need to find just yet.

2008 will mark the start of my 10th year as a professional opera singer. Could I have predicted ANY of this? Not a chance in hell. But I'm finding my own voice throughout this journey, and while searching for closure is inevitable at this time of year, at the end of this ENORMOUSLY LONG ENTRY, I find that I'm happily looking forward and thrilled at what lies ahead.

And in a final (I swear!) wish for a beautiful New Year in 2008, here's something to start the year off with a perfect, infectious, spontaneous and GIDDY smile - I dare you not to love it!